By Andrew Agbese
With an estimated 108 million persons representing 49. 46 percent of the total population of Nigeria, the number women in Nigeria cannot be said to have exceeded the number of men. At least not yet.
But with what is happening in Nigeria now, there’s every cause to be alarmed that the tide may soon turn against men.
The population of men has come under heavy threats the world over. The number of men would have been higher if not for the various wars and other hazardous tasks men are usually sent to undertake.
Apart from these direct exposure to danger, there are other instances that have made the male population to be lower than the number being touted.
Take a look at the tribe called eunuchs who willingly or unwillingly, gave themselves up for castrations thereby forfeiting the fundamental requirement to function as males. Though they’re counted as men, but we know that they’re not actually one of us in the true sense of the word.
Then somewhere came along the line the homosexuals also came and wooed men to forgo their masculinity transforming them to other genders while using their male instruments to ‘femalise’ them.
As if that is not enough of a cataclysmic social liquidation, some criminal elements have decided to do further damage by dispossessing even the threatened population of men in Nigeria by stealing their instruments of pride to render them ineffective, unproductive and effeminate!
As it has been reported, it started few weeks ago when some elements operating along Mararaba-Karu-Nyanya- axis of Abuja decided to be going about stealing organs of healthy and unsuspecting male species.
As the stories go, the thieves would pretend to be in a rush and try to bring their bodies in contact with those of their would be victims and once they succeed in doing so, wham! the victim would instantly feel a sense of loss as the hard drive holding his folder would register ‘loss of document.’
This is a serious matter which should not be allowed to continue because Nigeria needs men now more than ever!
If this trend is not nipped in the bud, the male population in Nigeria stands the risk of serious depletion and this could result in serious consequences on the polity which may include:
1) Happiness may disappear from many homes once the bed is no longer shaking.
2) Consequently, the pressure on the few of us who may survive the holocaust can only be imagined!
To check this ugly trend rearing its ugly head, here are my suggestions:
1. Men living around Karu, Mararaba and Nyanya axis of Abuja should from today, start dressing as women. This would make them appear as women to the organ thieves and no attempt would be made to steal anything from them.
Just a head scarf, lip stick and high-heeled shoes would do. No need for Brazilian hair, please; they’re very expensive!
It is possible that Bob Risky foresaw all these happening and could be why he started borrowing Tonto’s dresses ahead of time to preserve his manhood; just that he went too far and forgot to revert back to his default setting and started calling himself ‘Mummy of Lagos.’ Mummy of Lagos indeed!
Secondly, men in Abuja and other adjoining towns should start wearing iron pants. This is not a laughing matter. It’s not difficult to make. Any welder or iron bender can fabricate one. A drastic situation they say, calls for a drastic solution.
And In case you are wondering what an iron pant looks like, just recall the kinds of pants worn by men in the movies, Spartacus and you’re good to go.
To avoid losing it all, men can also insure their thing with any insurance company near them. It could be the conventional insurance companies or spiritual ones. That way, it is the insurance company or (in the case of the spiritual ones) the Baba that will be responsible for replacing the manhood when a client loses it.
Number four, men should learn to stay at home more often than they’re doing now! If you’re one of those who likes to spend time at the vendor stand analysing socio- political developments in the country just to impress your audience that you’re a graduate of one of the old universities in Nigeria, desist from doing so before someone would make you a subject of socio-economic analysis.
Don’t thank me. Haba! What are friends for?